A year ago, I wrote this entry in my journal. When I was feeling up in the air with my job situation. After few months, things came trough and clear. The waiting was worth it!
"It seems that God always gives me what I don't want. But what do I want? Isn't it true that I'm always saying I want God's will in my life? So why do I say He doesn't give me what I want? God is Sovereign, King of the universe and hence Lord of my life. He sees what I don't see, His thoughts exceed mine, I am ashamed even to compare myself with Him. Today,
after several decades lived, I can somehow understand this human
dynamic . A struggle constantly present in me and in the lives of those
around me. This
fight always starts disguised as an idea, becoming a desire, something I desperately want to achieve, something that I
dream day and night. I'm on my knees praying fervently... sometimes with
tears, maybe I can convince the God Almighty. Results? Nothing, empty hands... I did not get what I wanted. Later, resignation...and then when I am calm, quiet, reflecting of the results of not getting what I wanted, I just laugh, and stand in stunned...
silence before the omniscience of God. He knows what is best. Of course I have also seen prayers answered immediately after asking for it!
for that reason, when I go through moments where my desires are on the
pending list, where the days seem too long, when I'm full of anxiety and
curiosity to know what is going to happen...God, remind
me I can not take even a second to play YOUR role. I don't have the
capacity to see the whole picture, and to ask for things correctly. In moments of
waiting give me
faith, replace discouragement for hope. Give me strength to not give up
into thoughts of
defeat. I pray that the past victories will comfort and inspire me to
go on in peace, and to not repeat the same mistakes all over again.
Father, this is my sincere prayer at a time of waiting."